Who Hugs the Hugger? A Mythology of Self-Care

Who Hugs the Hugger? A Mythology of Self-Care

Who Hugs the Hugger? A Mythology of Self-Care Presented by Edward M. Smink PhD, BCC. So what is it about myth? Myth grounds us into our own personal and cultural identities and simultaneously allows us to soar into the land of possibilities.

Where does myth take us? Into the Land of Once upon a time-the call to adventure-Joseph Campbell Into the depths of being where soul takes us deeper-Hillman Into that landscape where one finds some hidden ground to stand on, a mythical place that gives one a distinct vantage point and

perspective-Hillman Into our personal and collective identities -Jung Myths Take us on a Journey Travel any way you like. You can Walk Hike Sit on the back of a camel

Ride in a rickshaw, Or sit on an imaginary magic carpet, as you become a participant in a pilgrimage of magical proportions Myth allows us to discover and tell our story

Myths allow us to reflect A fundamental core component of our busy lives is the necessity to stop and rest to ponder, reflect, and grow from our experiences. So central is the reflection urge within us that Jung maintains it is one of the three

psychic energies of the Soul. . Creating a Mythology of SelfCare What is SelfCare? Self care is about being held

Self Care is About Caregiving Being a Caregiver and Allowing others to Care for us. The Caregiver is an essential archetype in

human life. None of us would be alive if no one cared for us as a child, and life without mutual giving is joyless. Carol S. Pearson, Author of Awakening the Heroes Within: 12 Archetypes to Find Ourselves and Transform Our World. Who are the Caregivers? We All Are

CAREGIVER STRENGTHS The Caregiver Archetype Core professional gift: Support & development Motto: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Underlying

assumptions/perspective: People should do whatever is required to help those who need them. Fundamental question: Who will this affect? Copyright 2009, Pearson/Atlee/Spero-Shelley Strengths:

Providing great service, care or counsel advocating for and marshalling people resources creating stable, supportive environments where people can develop/grow/heal putting structures in place to help others and/or keep them safe from harm responding to need/offering assistance modeling servant leadership Copyright 2009,

Pearson/Atlee/Spero-Shelley CAREGIVER PITFALLS Martyrdom, Enabling others/co-dependency, Too little self care,

Resentment/guilt tripping, Taking on too much Copyright 2009, Pearson/Atlee/Spero-Shelley Holding back difficult news or tough feedback Sublimating personal voice/failing to speak Failing to connect people perspective with business outcomes

Lack of managing Compassion Fatigue What is Compassion Fatigue? Understandi ng Compassion Fatigue Do you have

trouble in asking for help? We Experience Compassion Fatigue because we care. Charles Figley begins his book about

compassion fatigue with these words: There is a cost to caring. Professionals who listen to clients stories of fear, pain, and suffering may feel similar fears, pains, and sufferings because they care.

Christina Maslach argues that the symptoms can be physical, emotional, and spiritual. Again, caregivers experience these because we care. This is the caregivers normal. Another form of

fatigue is called burnout. Maslach (1982) with Goldberg (1998) and Leiter (2003) agree that burnout can be defined as a psychological syndrome of emotional

exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment Digging around ones roots Reflection is a truth teller. The Souls voice needs to be heard Does the inner pain caused by a pattern of living on

the surface of things prompt one to go deeper into the depths of ones Soul? The outcomes of reflection are a two edge sword revealing both: 1. The caregivers skills, talents, and strengths, 2. but also the caregivers vulnerability, limitations, fears, and wounds seeking to heal. Michael Kearney writes, Soul points us inward and downward to the roots of our humanity and suggests that reconnection with our Soul is the central issue.

Self Care is about listening to Ones Soul Soul animates a person, like a work of art, the lyrics of a song, the lines of a poem, the laughter of your grandchild. Sometimes, time stops, and the silence of the moment seems to never end.

Being soulful and filled with Soul, may evoke deep feelings about yourself or one that you admire. Self Care is about being Hospitable The Mythology of Hospitality has Ancient Roots Your Guest is Truly A God from Sanskrit Adage

The guest is truly your god, dictates the respect granted to guests in India. In offering hospitality, the host would find favor. Hospitality as a right practiced

in Ancient Greece. As prerequisite for Social Standing Huston Smith quoting a teaching from the Kabala

Every Time a person walks down a street, Choirs of Angles go before each person singing: Behold. Behold. Behold.

The face of 3. Strangers appear in the Hebrew Scriptures Abraham becomes the host to three visitors (Genesis 18:1ff), Lot and his wife offer hospitality to

two strangers (Genesis 19:1ff). In Roman Literature Ovid tells the Story of Baucus and Philemon the Roman poet Ovid retells a Greek myth about Baucus and Philemon who

are hosts to two gods, Jupiter and Mercury who are disguised as humans. Their names would be Zeus and Hermes according to the Greek pantheon of gods. 7. A Christian Perspective It was a common belief and practice that in welcoming a stranger, you may be welcoming a god. Matthew speaks about the rewards of the just, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.

(Mat.25:35ff). Jesus had no home and was frequently a guest. Jesus At Simons House Paul and Barnabas in Lystra, Paul exhorts community: Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that, some have entertained angels without knowing it.

North American Hospitality Be hospitable. Always assume that your guest is tired, cold, and hungry. Always give your guest the place of honor in the lodge, and at the feast, and serve him in reasonable ways.

Protect your guest as one of the family; feed his horse. The first attitude of Hospitality Creating Space to respond to one in need to welcome the stranger.

The Second Attitude of Hospitality Creating space to LISTEN to the story of the one in need. When you knock on the door of a patient, take a deep breath and know why you are entering

the room. Dr. Christina Puchalski, In other words, no time for a bad hair day. US State Department suggest: To Listen, one must: use both ears watch and maintain eye contact give undivided attention

be empathetic 1. to seek to understand before you seek to be understood, 2. to be non-judgmental, 3. to give the individual (and yourself) your undivided attention 4. to use silence effectively. Chinese Symbol of Active

Listening The Third Attitude of Hospitality Creating Space to listen to the Wisdom gleaned from your experience Are you conscious of the stirrings within your soul. As Hillman suggests, Afflictions point to gods; gods reach us through afflictions. Self care is about

learning that we are wounded healers. or experience a traumatic event, So when we hurt

or dont understand our struggle in what we are feeling, or just experiencing the numbness of being overwhelmed, instead of beating ourselves up, feeling out of control, or fearful of what is buried within, we can begin to accept and learn from the wonderful gift of being

human. Recently the term wounded healer has been used synonymously with burnout or impairment of caregivers in the

healing professions, comments Len Sperry Serge Daneault asks the question whether this archetype can assist physicians. He recognizes the

Wounded Healer as one who has gone through suffering and as a result of that experience becomes a source of Dr. Martin Lipp adds: My great wisdom, healing, and wounds become my spectacles, helping me to inspiration for

see what I encounter with others. empathy and a grateful sense of privilege. Building compassion Resilience Three rules by Eric Gentry Building Compassion Resilience Self-Care

1. Acknowledge: Houston we have a problem. 2. Sharing your story Who will listen? Attitudes of the Host and the Stranger

Self-Care is easier than you think! 3. Developing a Self-Care Practice of Relaxation What is your spiritual practice of relaxing?

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